But for him, his existence, the very fact that he is living, is like a promise. (с) Gackt
One fan’s Hollywood X Japan experience.
мне очень понравился этот отчет, и хотя там мало про сами съемки Иксов в Голливуде, но так эмоционально и... красиво, что захотелось оставить это в сообществеTracy is a long time reader, and occasionally she proof reads some of my longer posts before I post them. She sent me the story of her X Japan experience at January 9th’s filming for you all to read. Check it out.
X Japan in Hollywood
By Tracy F.
It was the night of Christmas, 2009… in that strange after-shock of Christmas madness when everyone is tired, stuffed, and disoriented… when I discovered that X Japan would be coming to the United States to shoot four music videos. The details were a blur: Los Angeles, California. Hollywood. Fans invited. Sign up now.
Shaking, I clicked on the link to sign up for the video shoot and wondered why someone would play such a cruel trick on me at Christmas. I read the details. I researched the company behind the website. But most importantly, for my sanity’s sake, I tried to talk myself out of the deliriously ecstatic and giddy state I was settling into. This couldn’t actually be real, and if I believed that it was, and then it didn’t happen, I would be humiliated. Hurt. Sad.
It didn’t work, though. Somewhere along the line, I had apparently succeeded in my attempts to eliminate my natural tendencies to be cynical and doubtful. All I felt was excitement. Besides, my intuition told me it was real. All of it. It was happening. Really happening. And I could only stare at the monitor, blurry-eyed and awe-struck.
I filled out the online form with my information, and then with my husband, John’s. I read the fine print. I signed the proverbial dotted line. I marveled at the magic of Christmas, and then checked my inbox. There it was, the confirmation email. It said that I had successfully signed up to be a part of X Japan’s music videos, and that I would be given more details later. I told my husband to check his email. As he walked to his laptop, I told him what I signed us up for. Saying it out-loud was different than just thinking about it, and the magnitude of the situation really sank in. I was so happy I cried.
Still weeping, I grabbed the phone and called my best friend, Abby, at her parent’s house. I knew the number from years of calling it as a child and teenager. She answered the phone.
“Spit out whatever food you have in your mouth immediately and don’t eat another bite until two weeks from now,” I said. I was joking. But just barely.
“Okay. I did. What’s going on?” I could envision her in her parents’ kitchen, dutifully leaning over the trashcan.
“Are you in the middle of Christmas?”
“Yeah. We are all opening our presents right now.”
“Oh,” I said slyly. “Well, when you’re done, call me and I’ll tell you about how we are going to be in four X Japan music videos in Los Angeles in two weeks.”
And the pause that followed was the longest, most glorious stretch of silence in the world. It was a moment I will never forget.
Finally, she said, “What?”
“I just signed John and I up for the video shoot. Are you in?” I knew the answer, I don’t even know why I asked.
“Um. Yes.”
I gave her the abridged version of the legal jargon, and after she agreed to the terms, I signed her up too. Then I told her to check her email when she got the chance. Dazed, she told me she would. Then I told her goodbye.
I hung up the phone and thought about finances. I went online and looked up the price of airfare from Springfield, Missouri to wherever we would have to go before flying to Los Angeles. The rates were ridiculous. Impossible. Especially after Christmas. Every single bit of spare money I had was gone. Even if it hadn’t been Christmas, John and I were trying to pay off our credit cards and had no expendable cash. The reality of how wrecked our money situation was actually forced me out of my excitement momentarily. We would have to make another road trip. Not that we didn’t love road trips. Abby, John and I drove over forty hours round-trip to see Yoshiki at Otakon and we drove almost sixty hours to support Jrock Revolution. But we might have to sleep in the car this time. Something that we had never been forced to resort to before.
Suddenly I became angry and frustrated. Why right now? Why in two weeks? Why couldn’t I have more time? I cried again. The emotional roller coaster ride made me nauseous. But I dealt with it, I had grown accustomed to X Japan doing this to me long ago.
Fast forward to a week later. I had lost ten pounds. Abby had wrecked her car. (The car we usually take on road trips.) John had doubts that we could pull it off. And money was still a huge issue. My mother reminded me of the money my grandma left me when she died. Just thinking about it destroyed me. I loved my grandma and missed her so much. Was this what I had been waiting to spend her money on? I sobbed, thinking about how I had saved that money for so long because nothing seemed worthy of its beauty, its memory. I knew that my grandma would be proud of her savings going towards helping me live a dream. But then I wept harder from the fact that my grandma was so poor, a hundred dollar bill was my entire inheritance. The fact that she considered a hundred dollars to be a substantial amount of money broke my heart into a million pieces. It would help, though. We could stay in two or three motel rooms with that money, so it was, indeed, substantial.
I got on Facebook and contacted everyone I knew who lived in Los Angeles. I went on couch surfing websites and wondered if getting stabbed on someone’s couch was worth seeing X Japan in America or not. I contacted family members I haven’t spoken to in ages, and I asked everyone I knew if they knew someone that could help us out. But it was slowly becoming apparent that this trip might not work out after all. For some strange reason, it was starting to fall apart.
When the ice and snow came, we knew it was over. There wasn’t a chance. We didn’t have the money anyway. Abby and her fiance took me and a friend out to eat. Abby and I split a plate of nachos and tried not to be sad. I said that we would leave it up to fate. If the weather permitted it, we would go. But I knew in my heart it wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t get to see X Japan. I wouldn’t get to be a part of their music videos. I wouldn’t get to… as the website put it… be a part of history.
The next day, the weather wasn’t as bad as it had been predicted, but I had already given up. I told Abby that I wasn’t going. That it wasn’t responsible. That I just couldn’t do it. She was depressed. She offered to pay for the gas with the last of her savings, money she had been saving away in investments since selling a new car she had won in a contest ten years ago. It was a glimmer of hope. But I knew I couldn’t do it.
Then came the day that we would have to leave on if we were to make it to Los Angeles in time for the video shoot. Abby sent me a text asking me if I was sure. I told her, yes, I was sure. We all began to sink into the depths of a depression that was deep and unspeakable. But a few hours later, John got a text from Abby saying that she was still willing to go, if he was interested.
And that’s when my husband turned to me and said, “Pack my bags.” He wasn’t being demanding, he just suddenly found his resolve.
I looked at the clock. They would have to leave in the next couple hours, and I hadn’t done laundry or gotten anything ready. I started packing dirty clothes, hoping that they would get a motel with a laundry room. I packed belts, scarves, clip-in hair extensions. I packed stuff for Abby. False eyelashes, a beautiful hairpiece of roses and ribbons that I made for her back when I still thought we might make this trip. I packed John’s make-up. I packed the X Japan pins that Yoshiki gave to us at Otakon. I packed everything in sight.
Then, suddenly, I decided to go.
I didn’t know how we would do it exactly, but I knew we could do it.
John texted Abby that I was going. That we were going to do it. All of us. It was going to happen. She probably cried a little. And laughed. At the same time. She was at her parents’ house when she got that text, bringing in firewood for her mom. Her dad had been shot in Afghanistan a few months back, and he was currently in the process of recovering in Washington D.C. Her mom was recovering from shoulder surgery. Abby brought in firewood in an attempt to make things easier for them. And now she was going to spend the last of her savings getting John and I and herself to X Japan. There is only one word to describe all of this, and it’s a Japanese word- setsunai. It means bittersweet, but in a much more complicated way than any English word could truly define. It’s the beauty of the cherry blossom, so pure and perfect, but so fragile and short-lived. It’s a sunset that is at its most breath-taking the moment before it disappears. It is the wonder and transiency of life.
Abby came over and we crammed everything into her fiance’s car. Not only had he lent us his car, he had given us some money to help out with the trip. My dad gave me a check for two hundred dollars and told me I could pay him back whenever. My seven year old son gave me the twenty dollars he had gotten from Grandma Hildegarde for Christmas. Then I followed my mom to her bedroom, where she opened her top dresser drawer and handed me the hundred dollar bill from my grandma. I knew that crying would break my mom’s heart. So I only smiled. It was the same smile I forced when Yoshiki told me that my hide-pink hair was a nice color. My heart was broken. But there was no room for pain in either situation. Instead of sadness, I honored them both with resilience.
Then it happened. Somehow… we got there. We were a part of it. Our lives were changed forever and we had the time of our lives. I don’t think I stopped crying for longer than five minutes the entire day of the shoot. It was a dream come true. It was pure magic. It had been such a long hard road for all of us, but there we were. And there X Japan was… performing in the United States for the first time. At some point I tried to imagine all of the people all over the world who longed to be there but couldn’t make it. I was almost one of those people. I grabbed John’s hand and wrapped my arm around Abby’s waist. I put all of my energy into loving all of those who couldn’t be there with us. I sent them happiness and I felt the energy of X Japan all as hard as I could. For them. For everyone.
I will always remember looking up through that clear stage, directly into Toshi’s soul. And the look on his face as he peered over the edge at us and smiled. Toshi, Pata, Heath, Sugizo, Yoshiki… they were all so beautiful. The crowd was beautiful. We were all beautiful… connected. Bound by pain and joy and expectation and excitement. Lines blurred. Boundaries disappeared. The illusion of “us” and “them,” “you” and “me” faded away until nothing remained but pure existence. And that existence swam in the madness called “now.”
I will remember that feeling for the rest of my life…
We were one.
We were X.
theothereast
мне очень понравился этот отчет, и хотя там мало про сами съемки Иксов в Голливуде, но так эмоционально и... красиво, что захотелось оставить это в сообществеTracy is a long time reader, and occasionally she proof reads some of my longer posts before I post them. She sent me the story of her X Japan experience at January 9th’s filming for you all to read. Check it out.
X Japan in Hollywood
By Tracy F.
It was the night of Christmas, 2009… in that strange after-shock of Christmas madness when everyone is tired, stuffed, and disoriented… when I discovered that X Japan would be coming to the United States to shoot four music videos. The details were a blur: Los Angeles, California. Hollywood. Fans invited. Sign up now.
Shaking, I clicked on the link to sign up for the video shoot and wondered why someone would play such a cruel trick on me at Christmas. I read the details. I researched the company behind the website. But most importantly, for my sanity’s sake, I tried to talk myself out of the deliriously ecstatic and giddy state I was settling into. This couldn’t actually be real, and if I believed that it was, and then it didn’t happen, I would be humiliated. Hurt. Sad.
It didn’t work, though. Somewhere along the line, I had apparently succeeded in my attempts to eliminate my natural tendencies to be cynical and doubtful. All I felt was excitement. Besides, my intuition told me it was real. All of it. It was happening. Really happening. And I could only stare at the monitor, blurry-eyed and awe-struck.
I filled out the online form with my information, and then with my husband, John’s. I read the fine print. I signed the proverbial dotted line. I marveled at the magic of Christmas, and then checked my inbox. There it was, the confirmation email. It said that I had successfully signed up to be a part of X Japan’s music videos, and that I would be given more details later. I told my husband to check his email. As he walked to his laptop, I told him what I signed us up for. Saying it out-loud was different than just thinking about it, and the magnitude of the situation really sank in. I was so happy I cried.
Still weeping, I grabbed the phone and called my best friend, Abby, at her parent’s house. I knew the number from years of calling it as a child and teenager. She answered the phone.
“Spit out whatever food you have in your mouth immediately and don’t eat another bite until two weeks from now,” I said. I was joking. But just barely.
“Okay. I did. What’s going on?” I could envision her in her parents’ kitchen, dutifully leaning over the trashcan.
“Are you in the middle of Christmas?”
“Yeah. We are all opening our presents right now.”
“Oh,” I said slyly. “Well, when you’re done, call me and I’ll tell you about how we are going to be in four X Japan music videos in Los Angeles in two weeks.”
And the pause that followed was the longest, most glorious stretch of silence in the world. It was a moment I will never forget.
Finally, she said, “What?”
“I just signed John and I up for the video shoot. Are you in?” I knew the answer, I don’t even know why I asked.
“Um. Yes.”
I gave her the abridged version of the legal jargon, and after she agreed to the terms, I signed her up too. Then I told her to check her email when she got the chance. Dazed, she told me she would. Then I told her goodbye.
I hung up the phone and thought about finances. I went online and looked up the price of airfare from Springfield, Missouri to wherever we would have to go before flying to Los Angeles. The rates were ridiculous. Impossible. Especially after Christmas. Every single bit of spare money I had was gone. Even if it hadn’t been Christmas, John and I were trying to pay off our credit cards and had no expendable cash. The reality of how wrecked our money situation was actually forced me out of my excitement momentarily. We would have to make another road trip. Not that we didn’t love road trips. Abby, John and I drove over forty hours round-trip to see Yoshiki at Otakon and we drove almost sixty hours to support Jrock Revolution. But we might have to sleep in the car this time. Something that we had never been forced to resort to before.
Suddenly I became angry and frustrated. Why right now? Why in two weeks? Why couldn’t I have more time? I cried again. The emotional roller coaster ride made me nauseous. But I dealt with it, I had grown accustomed to X Japan doing this to me long ago.
Fast forward to a week later. I had lost ten pounds. Abby had wrecked her car. (The car we usually take on road trips.) John had doubts that we could pull it off. And money was still a huge issue. My mother reminded me of the money my grandma left me when she died. Just thinking about it destroyed me. I loved my grandma and missed her so much. Was this what I had been waiting to spend her money on? I sobbed, thinking about how I had saved that money for so long because nothing seemed worthy of its beauty, its memory. I knew that my grandma would be proud of her savings going towards helping me live a dream. But then I wept harder from the fact that my grandma was so poor, a hundred dollar bill was my entire inheritance. The fact that she considered a hundred dollars to be a substantial amount of money broke my heart into a million pieces. It would help, though. We could stay in two or three motel rooms with that money, so it was, indeed, substantial.
I got on Facebook and contacted everyone I knew who lived in Los Angeles. I went on couch surfing websites and wondered if getting stabbed on someone’s couch was worth seeing X Japan in America or not. I contacted family members I haven’t spoken to in ages, and I asked everyone I knew if they knew someone that could help us out. But it was slowly becoming apparent that this trip might not work out after all. For some strange reason, it was starting to fall apart.
When the ice and snow came, we knew it was over. There wasn’t a chance. We didn’t have the money anyway. Abby and her fiance took me and a friend out to eat. Abby and I split a plate of nachos and tried not to be sad. I said that we would leave it up to fate. If the weather permitted it, we would go. But I knew in my heart it wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t get to see X Japan. I wouldn’t get to be a part of their music videos. I wouldn’t get to… as the website put it… be a part of history.
The next day, the weather wasn’t as bad as it had been predicted, but I had already given up. I told Abby that I wasn’t going. That it wasn’t responsible. That I just couldn’t do it. She was depressed. She offered to pay for the gas with the last of her savings, money she had been saving away in investments since selling a new car she had won in a contest ten years ago. It was a glimmer of hope. But I knew I couldn’t do it.
Then came the day that we would have to leave on if we were to make it to Los Angeles in time for the video shoot. Abby sent me a text asking me if I was sure. I told her, yes, I was sure. We all began to sink into the depths of a depression that was deep and unspeakable. But a few hours later, John got a text from Abby saying that she was still willing to go, if he was interested.
And that’s when my husband turned to me and said, “Pack my bags.” He wasn’t being demanding, he just suddenly found his resolve.
I looked at the clock. They would have to leave in the next couple hours, and I hadn’t done laundry or gotten anything ready. I started packing dirty clothes, hoping that they would get a motel with a laundry room. I packed belts, scarves, clip-in hair extensions. I packed stuff for Abby. False eyelashes, a beautiful hairpiece of roses and ribbons that I made for her back when I still thought we might make this trip. I packed John’s make-up. I packed the X Japan pins that Yoshiki gave to us at Otakon. I packed everything in sight.
Then, suddenly, I decided to go.
I didn’t know how we would do it exactly, but I knew we could do it.
John texted Abby that I was going. That we were going to do it. All of us. It was going to happen. She probably cried a little. And laughed. At the same time. She was at her parents’ house when she got that text, bringing in firewood for her mom. Her dad had been shot in Afghanistan a few months back, and he was currently in the process of recovering in Washington D.C. Her mom was recovering from shoulder surgery. Abby brought in firewood in an attempt to make things easier for them. And now she was going to spend the last of her savings getting John and I and herself to X Japan. There is only one word to describe all of this, and it’s a Japanese word- setsunai. It means bittersweet, but in a much more complicated way than any English word could truly define. It’s the beauty of the cherry blossom, so pure and perfect, but so fragile and short-lived. It’s a sunset that is at its most breath-taking the moment before it disappears. It is the wonder and transiency of life.
Abby came over and we crammed everything into her fiance’s car. Not only had he lent us his car, he had given us some money to help out with the trip. My dad gave me a check for two hundred dollars and told me I could pay him back whenever. My seven year old son gave me the twenty dollars he had gotten from Grandma Hildegarde for Christmas. Then I followed my mom to her bedroom, where she opened her top dresser drawer and handed me the hundred dollar bill from my grandma. I knew that crying would break my mom’s heart. So I only smiled. It was the same smile I forced when Yoshiki told me that my hide-pink hair was a nice color. My heart was broken. But there was no room for pain in either situation. Instead of sadness, I honored them both with resilience.
Then it happened. Somehow… we got there. We were a part of it. Our lives were changed forever and we had the time of our lives. I don’t think I stopped crying for longer than five minutes the entire day of the shoot. It was a dream come true. It was pure magic. It had been such a long hard road for all of us, but there we were. And there X Japan was… performing in the United States for the first time. At some point I tried to imagine all of the people all over the world who longed to be there but couldn’t make it. I was almost one of those people. I grabbed John’s hand and wrapped my arm around Abby’s waist. I put all of my energy into loving all of those who couldn’t be there with us. I sent them happiness and I felt the energy of X Japan all as hard as I could. For them. For everyone.
I will always remember looking up through that clear stage, directly into Toshi’s soul. And the look on his face as he peered over the edge at us and smiled. Toshi, Pata, Heath, Sugizo, Yoshiki… they were all so beautiful. The crowd was beautiful. We were all beautiful… connected. Bound by pain and joy and expectation and excitement. Lines blurred. Boundaries disappeared. The illusion of “us” and “them,” “you” and “me” faded away until nothing remained but pure existence. And that existence swam in the madness called “now.”
I will remember that feeling for the rest of my life…
We were one.
We were X.
theothereast
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25.01.2010 в 02:27Boku no Gisho всё равно спасииибо!
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25.01.2010 в 02:30я сама это с трудом осилила)))
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25.01.2010 в 15:18даа, по этому рассказу можно фильм снять. В стиле «Я хочу держать тебя за руку»)
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Я тоже хочу выложить отчет-интервью с фанаткой, которое мне понравилось:
http://www.animevice.com/x-japan/20-62239/x-japan-in-hollywood-interview/97-311814/
As most of you should remember, about a week ago X Japan held a huge event in Hollywood to film four music videos, for which fans came from all over the country! I posted a set of photos from the event, which led one DarkLadyAmethyst to swing by and say hi. Turns out she was at the event and graciously agreed to talk about her experiences about "one of the best nights of [her] life." (With hopefully many more to come!)
Anime Vice: How did you first find X Japan and become a fan?
I first became a fan when I discovered "Forever Love" from the X 1999 movie by Clamp (this was when it just came out in Japan and still wasn't available in the US, I got it as a fansub from an anime convention. But don't worry, I bought the legal version when it finally came out years later. Anyway!) and got interested in hearing more from them. And after that I was hooked, I found whatever I could by ordering online from Japanese import stores, conventions, etc..
AV: You mentioned that you went to Hollywood all the way from Indiana-- was it worth the trip?
Of course it was so worth the trip! ^_^ It's for X Japan! It will definitely be a weekend I'd never forget. Not only was it the first time for me to see X Japan live, it was also first time for me to take an airplane, much less go on a trip alone without any family members or friends! And I hope it won't be the last for either of them.^_^ Only next time I hope someone will be able to go with me, it's more fun that way.
AV: How did the fans react to X Japan's presence and performance?
They reacted full of energy, excitement, and support. As all X Japan fans usually do! Cheering and chanting! I loved it!
AV: Do you have any particuar anecdotes of things fans said/did during the event?
Well, I know quite a few fans(like myself), would make sure to explain to anyone walking by saying "who's X Japan? or What's going on?" who X Japan was and explain how great they are.
I especially got upset when one lady said "oh, it's just a bunch of nobodies just doing something" and was walking away. Well, I ignored it at first, but then I caught her as she was walking away and said "excuse me! How many nobodies do you know who could afford doing something like this, just because you don't know who they are doesn't mean they are nobodies." Then I explained once again who they were. Lol, I think I scared her.
And I taught some drunk guys who didn't know what was going on and just wanted to be on camera how to correctly cross there arms like an X. If they are gonna be on camera, I at least wanted them to do that right.
I saw many fans just having fun meeting other X Japan fans and making new friends (I did!). It was all great!
AV: What was the performance itself like-- how long, how many songs, what was the production like, etc? Did you know the songs that were performed?
The performance was full of energy like X Japan is always known and loved for. And from time to time each member made sure to look down at everyone and wave. Toshi even poured water down on some of us. ^_^
Also the laser lights and the pyrotechnics were done very well and were very beautiful at night. It was even nice to see the X Japan helicopter on the scene.
They took breaks in between each songs for clean-up and to change clothes and to most likely see what needs to be redone. And once it started to get a little dark, they handed out the glowing X Japan sticks.
They played I.V., Jade, Rusty Nail, and Endless Rain and played each one more than once (and I even remember Weekend being played at least once, if I remember right).
I got there at 4pm and they were already playing and recording when I got there after running 4 or 5 blocks from my motel (I arrived at my motel in L.A. finally at 3:30pm, so I just dumped everything on the bed and ran for it cause I noticed traffic was too backed up and I wouldn't get there fast enough by taxi). And I believe it wasn't until after 12am that they started to get things put away.
So it was a good length of time that they performed. They had to be worn out by the end of the night! And as for the songs, I knew each song very well, so had lots of fun singing along! All in all, like I said, it's a night I will always remember! Even if I didn't get to personally meet them like I was hoping, it was SO worth it all and I would gladly do again!
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25.01.2010 в 19:28Спасибо!
Очень эмоциональные и увлекательные отчеты...
Все-таки свидетельства очевидцев это всегда очень интересно...